Tag Archives: becoming a hero

Becoming A Hero: What’s Holding You Back?

Commentary and Analysis, , , ,

By Scott T. Allison

The ingredients of heroism are well known to storytellers. A hero embarks on a journey of some kind that begins when he or she is cast into a dangerous, unfamiliar world. The hero is charged with accomplishing a daunting task and receives assistance from unlikely sources. There are frightening obstacles along the way and villainous characters to overcome. After many trials and much suffering, the hero prevails and then bestows a gift to society.

Often overlooked in this journey is the key to the hero’s success, namely, the hero’s acquisition of an important quality that he or she lacks. All heroes start out “incomplete” in some sense. They lack some essential inner quality that they must develop to succeed. This quality can be self-confidence, humility, courage, compassion, faith, resilience, or some fundamental truth about themselves and the world.

The question I have for you, the reader, is: What inner quality are you missing that is holding you back from becoming the hero of your own life story? Another way to put it: What attributes are you missing that you need for success?

If you’re like millions of people, you aren’t sure what you’re missing. Circumstances may not yet have revealed your missing quality. Or people have yet to enter your life who can guide you. If that’s the case, be patient. Buddhists have a saying: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

Who are the teachers in your life? Let’s look at two examples of how heroes in the movies have received help from others to receive their missing qualities.

The Wizard of Oz. In the classic 1939 movie, The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is sent by a tornado to the strange Land of Oz. Her quest is to find her way home, and she receives help from three unlikely sources—a scarecrow, a tin man, and a lion. She is mentored by a friendly witch named Glinda and, later, by a mysterious wizard. Along the way she overcomes an evil witch, flying monkeys, and apple-throwing trees.

Dorothy’s missing quality is an understanding of “home”. Her new friends teach her that she has always possessed the power to get home. She discovers that home means more than just your house or apartment. It’s wherever the people you love—and who love you—are found.

Gravity. Nominated for Best Picture in 2013, Gravity stars Sandra Bullock as Dr. Ryan Stone, a scientist stranded in space after her space capsule is damaged. Dr. Stone is terrified and appears to lack the confidence and inner resources to survive her dire situation.

Veteran astronaut Matt Kowalski, played by George Clooney, is there to mentor her and instill her with confidence. Dr. Stone summons the courage and resourcefulness to cheat death and return to earth safely.

Movie heroes are not the only ones who benefit from good mentor figures. Rocker Gene Simmons credits his mother for teaching him prudence and self-control. Actor Jennifer Lawrence has thanked her father for helping her learn how to deal with adversity. Barack Obama has said that his grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, taught him the importance of sacrifice: “She’s the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life.”

In every good hero story, the hero discovers that he or she is missing something and receives help from others to acquire what’s missing. Every human life is a hero-like journey, making it imperative that each one of us identifies our missing quality.

Here are four steps you can take—not necessarily in this order:

1. Make an inventory of your strengths and weaknesses as a person.

2. Develop a list of your life goals.

3. Assess what’s missing to achieve your goals. List the strengths you lack and the weaknesses that need removal.

4. Find mentor figures to help you.

Some people do Step 4 first. A good mentor can help you identify your strengths and pinpoint what qualities are needed to fulfill your goals. Good mentors should be brutally honest about what you’re missing and how to acquire the qualities you lack.

Many of us fail, and fail badly, before we are willing to seek the help of a mentor figure. Learning from our failures and getting help from mentors is a sign of healthy human development.

Identifying missing qualities and acquiring them is essential for heroes to succeed with their missions. The discovery (or recovery) of these attributes is the basis for the personal transformation that the hero undergoes during the journey. The most satisfying heroes we encounter in storytelling and in real life are heroes who experience this transformative discovery of their missing quality.

One final caveat: Beware the dark mentor. As movies such as Whiplash and Fifty Shades of Grey show us, there are false mentors out there who will send you in the wrong direction. Choose your teachers carefully.

References

Allison, S. T., & Goethals, G. R. (2011). Heroes: What they do and why we need them. New York: Oxford University Press.

Allison, S. T., & Goethals, G. R. (2013). Heroic leadership: An influence taxonomy of 100 exceptional individuals. New York: Routledge.

Campbell, J. (1949). The hero with a thousand faces. New York: New World Library.

Franco, Z. E., Blau, K., & Zimbardo, P. G. (2011). Heroism: A conceptual analysis and differentiation between heroic action and altruism. Review of General Psychology, 15, 99-113.

Goethals, G. R., & Allison, S. T. (2012). Making heroes: The construction of courage, competence, and virtue. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. San Diego: Elsevier.

Smith, G., & Allison, S. T. (2014). Reel heroes, Volume 1. Agile Writer Press.

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10 Ways You Can Become a Hero

Commentary and Analysis,

By Scott T. Allison and George R. Goethals

Sometimes we make the mistake of believing that the only heroes out there are the people we watch on television, read about in news reports, or see in the movies.  The truth is that each one of us has the ability to become a hero to someone.  Opportunities for heroism are everywhere!  We hesitate to bring you yet another top-ten list.  There are so many of these lists that someone once compiled a top 10 list of top 10 lists.

But because people have frequently asked us what it takes to be a hero, we feel the time is ripe to offer some suggestions.  We don’t claim that these are the only things one can do to become a hero.  But they’re a good start.   Keep in mind that this list reflects our own personal view of heroism as exemplary actions directed toward improving the lives of others.  If your idea of a hero is someone who scores many touchdowns or who sings great songs, then this list is certainly not for you.

Here then is our list of 10 ways that you can become a hero.

1.  Study the Greats – Almost all of us have personal heroes and legends who have inspired us.  Read their biographies and strive to discern the qualities that made them great.  Look for common patterns.  The Nelson Mandelas, Mahatma Gandhis, and Martin Luther Kings of the world had a vision of a better world and were willing to make life-altering sacrifices to achieve that vision.  They were smart, strong, courageous, resilient, and selfless.  They didn’t let setbacks deter them and showed great leadership.  Cultivating these traits and life habits can send you on your own heroic journey.

2.  Be the Change You Want to See in the World – This line, a paraphrased version of a quote from Gandhi, is saturated with truth and wisdom.  People can easily spot a hypocrite – the person who cries for energy conservation but drives a Hummer; the person who tells us to give to the poor yet gives little himself; or the person who advocates world peace yet spouts hatred on Facebook or Twitter.  True heroes live the words they speak.

3.  Listen for the Call – The famed comparative mythologist, Joseph Campbell, noticed that all heroes in world literature are “called” on a heroic journey.  C. J. Hayden refers to a calling as a “strong intuition, sudden realization, divine transmission, or just a subtle wondering.”  Many heroes report having a calling to act on behalf of animal rights, to teach in Africa, to run for President, or to quit their high-paying jobs to serve others at low pay.   Your own calling may be less dramatic but no less important to those you help in life.

4.  Promote the Good rather than Oppose the Bad — The most successful, heroic people focus on the positive.  They know that negative energy, even when directed against dark forces in the world, is ineffective for promoting positive change.  Mother Teresa is famous for saying, “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”

5.  Look for Opportunities – Psychologist Phil Zimbardo believes that all of us are potential heroes waiting for the right moment to fulfill that potential.  Most heroes are everyday people, not the superheroes we see in movies.  Zimbardo has begun an ambitious Heroic Imagination Project dedicated to helping all of us become heroes. “By promoting the heroic imagination, especially in our kids through our educational system, we want kids to think, ‘I’m a hero in waiting, and I’m waiting for the right situation to come along when I can act heroically.’”

6.  Use the Power of Small Gestures – A good friend of ours, Paul, tells us that he once hugged a male friend in a grocery store simply because the man looked a bit worn and unhappy.  Later, that man thanked Paul profusely for that hug.  “He said it completely changed his outlook, and maybe even his life,” said Paul.  “He said I was his hero.  It was such a little thing I almost didn’t do it.  I’m so glad I did.”  Simple gestures of kindness can mean the world to someone who is fighting a tough personal battle.

7.  Perform Random Acts of Kindness – In 2000 the movie Pay it Forward resurrected an idea first proposed by the ancient Greek playwright Menander:  If someone has done you a good deed, you can repay the act by performing good deeds to others rather than to the original benefactor.  Others call it anonymous giving.  You can start a wave of human kindness by helping a student with tuition, raking someone’s leaves, buying someone groceries, paying the highway toll for someone behind you, cooking a meal for a neighbor, etc.

8.  Volunteer Your Time – These last three suggestions focus on serving others.  Your service can take the form of your time.  Spending some loving, caring time with others can be far more meaningful than spending money on them.  Visit a nursing home.  Volunteer to help adults learn how to read.  Spend time with children.  Make someone feel loved today, especially those who are on the fringes of society.

9.  Volunteer Your Talent – Everyone has a talent they can share to enrich the lives of others.  We have a friend who volunteers to play the piano at a retirement home.  Another friend with great empathy and listening skills volunteers to help teenagers who are growing up in troubled homes.  Another friend with good business instincts holds fundraisers and bake-sales for charities.  Make an inventory of your talents and use them to improve the lives of others.

10.  Volunteer Your Treasure – Many of us engage in some form of tithing – the practice of donating a portion of one’s income to help others in need.  Don’t feel like you need to contribute vast amounts to make a difference.  The aggregation of small amounts from many people can add up and make a significant impact.  Make sure the charities you donate to are worthwhile and well-run.  Charity Navigator can help you make an informed choice.

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You don’t need to wear a cape or possess a superpower to make the world a better place.  To perform heroic acts, all you need is the willingness to make some major sacrifice, or even many small ones that add up over time.  Serving others builds relationships, spreads love, and creates a ripple effect.  The remarkable truth about helping others is that it invariably helps us as much, or more, than the people we are helping.  It builds our self-esteem.  That should not be the primary reason for wanting to improve other people’s lives.  But it’s a wonderful side-effect.

We discuss more about heroes and heroism in our book, Heroes: What They Do & Why We Need Them.