All posts by Scott Allison

About Scott Allison

Scott Allison has authored numerous books, including 'Heroes' and 'Heroic Leadership'. He is Professor of Psychology at the University of Richmond where he has published extensively on heroism and leadership. His other books include Reel Heroes, Conceptions of Leadership, Frontiers in Spiritual Leadership, and the Handbook of Heroism. His work has appeared in USA Today, National Public Radio, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Slate Magazine, MSNBC, CBS, Psychology Today, and the Christian Science Monitor. He has received Richmond's Distinguished Educator Award and the Virginia Council of Higher Education's Outstanding Faculty Award.

Tragedy Begets Heroism: How Grief Became a Catalyst for Change after the Camp Mystic Tragedy

Commentary and Analysis, ,

By Scott T. Allison

It is a fundamental human truth — From the depths of pain, heroism often rises.

On July 4, 2025, catastrophic flash flooding at Camp Mystic, a girls’ summer camp in Hunt, Texas, killed 27 people, including campers and staff. The tragedy occurred when the Guadalupe River and a nearby creek overflowed their banks following torrential rainfall, inundating cabins where the youngest campers were sleeping.

The level of grief and suffering felt by the parents and families of these lost girls is unimaginable for most of us.

Soon after this horrific event, the parents of many victims gave emotional testimony to Texas lawmakers, calling for stronger safety measures for youth camps. One parent stated, “The tragedy wasn’t an accident. This was complacency, and it is 100% preventable.” Another pleaded, “Our daughters deserved better, and future campers deserve better.” The urgency was unmistakable: “We would be doing a massive disservice to our daughters for not running with this bill and seeing it through.”

Their advocacy catalyzed legislative change. The Texas bill now requires youth camps to establish floodplain restrictions, emergency plans, staff training, parental notification, warning systems, safety equipment, and safety orientations for all campers and staff.

Why, then, does human suffering give rise to heroic action? Scholars and psychologists have identified several compelling mechanisms.

  1. First, tragedy shatters the illusion of permanence and control. In that raw space, people often re-evaluate their values and priorities. This “existential jolt” can awaken a sense of responsibility—if life is fragile, then what I do right now matters.
  2. Second, tragedy forges empathy through shared pain. Experiencing loss or hardship firsthand deepens the ability to recognize and respond to others’ suffering.
  3. Third, tragedy strengthens social bonds. In the aftermath of disaster, humans often experience what researchers call the “tend-and-befriend” response—banding together for mutual survival and healing. This is also called the Unification Principle of Heroism.
  4. Fourth, tragedy offers a path to redemption. Many spiritual and philosophical traditions—from Buddhism to Christianity—frame suffering as a crucible for transformation.
  5. Finally, tragedy catalyzes post-traumatic growth. Positive psychology research shows that some people emerge from trauma with greater resilience, purpose, and moral clarity.

In a perfect world, human beings would love, help, and look out for each other without tragedy as the inspiration. Yet in the absence of a perfect world, we are called to become more perfect versions of ourselves—where even out of devastation, the seeds of compassion, justice, and heroism can take root and flourish.

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Pay it Forward 25 Years Later: How Heroism Unifies, Heals, and Transforms

Commentary and Analysis,

By Scott T. Allison

When the movie Pay It Forward premiered in October 2000, the film earned mixed reviews from critics. Some reviewers found it emotionally manipulative or overly sentimental. Others appreciated its intentions but criticized it for leaning too heavily into tearjerker territory.

Audience reactions, however, were warmer. Many viewers were moved by its message, even as critics remained skeptical. The film sparked a meaningful grassroots response — including the creation of the Pay It Forward Foundation and millions of symbolic gestures worldwide — suggesting its core message resonated even if its cinematic execution was widely debated.

Pay It Forward tells the story of Trevor, a thoughtful and idealistic seventh-grader who gets a school assignment to “change the world.” His big idea? Help three people in a big, meaningful way. Instead of asking them to pay him back, they each help three more people. It’s like a kindness chain letter, but in real life.

Trevor’s plan sets off a quiet wave of good deeds, as acts of generosity ripple outward in unexpected ways. Along the way, we see how Trevor’s idea impacts his struggling single mom, his emotionally scarred teacher, and eventually, people he’s never even met.

The Unification Principle of Heroism in Action

Pay it Forward illustrates the Unification Principle of Heroism. All heroic actions stem from a loving commitment to healing, social responsibility, and moral contagion. Trevor’s tragic fate amplifies this theme — his sacrifice is not in vain, as it produces widespread solidarity and emotional transformation across a community.

In this way, Pay It Forward dramatizes the moral and emotional logic of the unification principle: heroism seeks to repair, unite, and uplift the human community.

Here are three key moments in Pay It Forward that capture the Unification Principle of Heroism:

1. Trevor’s Classroom Pitch
When Trevor first shares his “pay it forward” idea in class, it sounds almost too simple: help three people in a big way, and ask them to do the same. But in this moment, he’s planting a seed — not just for random acts of kindness, but for a web of mutual care. He’s not aiming to be the hero himself; he’s inviting everyone to be part of something bigger.

2. The Homeless Man’s Redemption
One of the people Trevor helps is a man struggling with addiction and homelessness. Trevor gives him food, shelter, and more importantly, hope. Later, that man “pays it forward” by helping a woman about to take her own life. It’s a powerful illustration of how heroic compassion can restore connection and meaning, even for those who feel discarded by society.

3. The Final Scene and Candlelight Vigil
After Trevor’s tragic death, something remarkable happens — a huge crowd gathers outside his home with candles. Many of them are strangers who were touched by the ripple effect of his idea. This emotional scene drives home the Unification Principle. Heroism isn’t about one person standing alone, but about how one person’s moral action can inspire unity, healing, and collective transformation.

Trevor’s heroism matters not because he was loud or famous, but because he connected people. His simple idea — help three people in a meaningful way — showed that one person’s courage and kindness can ripple outward, linking strangers, healing wounds, and reminding us that we’re all part of something bigger.

References

Allison, S.T. (2024). Unification principle of heroism. In: Allison, S.T., Beggan, J.K., Goethals, G.R. (eds) Encyclopedia of Heroism Studies. Springer.

Allison, S. T. (2025). The love with a thousand faces: Heroism as embodied love in action. Heroism Science, 10(2), 1-30.

Bray, P. (2024). Hero’s journey and positive transformation. In: Allison, S.T., Beggan, J.K., Goethals, G.R. (eds) Encyclopedia of Heroism Studies. Springer.

Franco, Z. E., Blau, K., & Zimbardo, P. G. (2011). Heroism: A conceptual analysis and differentiation between heroic action and altruism. Review of General Psychology, 15(2), 99–113.

Kidder, R. M. (2005). Moral courage. HarperCollins.

Leder, M. (Director). (2000). Pay it forward [Film]. Warner Bros.

Pascale, R., Sternin, J., & Sternin, M. (2010). The power of positive deviance: How unlikely innovators solve the world’s toughest problems. Harvard Business Press.

Perlin, J.D., McAdams, D.P. (2024). Redemption: Stories heroes live by. In: Allison, S.T., Beggan, J.K., Goethals, G.R. (eds) Encyclopedia of Heroism Studies. Springer.

The Hero’s Journey Parallels the Spiritual Journey

Commentary and Analysis, , , ,

By Scott T. Allison

The stages of the spiritual journey show striking parallels with the stages of the hero’s journey, as both involve a departure from the familiar into a realm of challenges and revelations.

Almost every major spiritual tradition — including Buddhism and Christianity — focuses on human growth resulting from struggle, suffering, and transformation. Franciscan Priest Richard Rohr shares how the story of Jonah became so important to him and his framework of transformation:

Soon after I moved to New Mexico in the late 1980s, I began my studies for what would become the men’s rites of passage. I read everything I could on why every ancient culture deemed it necessary in to initiate the male. It seemed that no culture assumed that men would grow up naturally, because nothing in the male wants to descend. He wants to ascend; he wants to be number one. It’s the competitive nature of masculinity, which has totally informed our culture, no matter who we are. Something has to break through that level of consciousness.  

For me, there is no story—other than the Jesus story itself—which has made that quite as clear as Jonah’s story. Here we have a man who is running from God, running from his own vocation, and God sends a fish to swallow him and take him where he would rather not go. That’s perfect! That’s initiation! We have to be swallowed by something bigger than ourselves. The phrase used by many, including Thomas Merton, was that we have to go into the “belly of the beast”—a place where we are not in control, where we can’t fix it, explain it, understand it, or even like it. Our lack of control, our lack of preference isn’t important. We just have to learn from it.  

I’ve always made a great deal of the passage where Jesus says, “This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given except the sign of Jonah” (Luke 11:29). He is saying that his message is simple and clear: You’ve got to die before you die. In rites of initiation we teach people that they have to go down before they can possibly go up. In modern psychological language, we call it the death of the ego or the separate self. What has to die is our sense of separateness, because what goes with separateness is superiority. Once we define ourselves according to our nationality, culture, religion, or identity, then we feel we have to defend each one of those. What a waste of energy! We sink to scolding and blaming; not just are we “number one,” but everybody else is a second-class citizen.  

That’s how dualistic our thoughts become. When the private ego didn’t die, Christianity even made salvation into a victory trip, thinking we knew who “won.” To undergo the sign of Jonah feels like losing, and by worldly standards, it looks like it, too. The sign of Jonah is a symbol of surrender, of letting go, of giving up. Most of us wouldn’t describe those as the stages of the journey of enlightenment, but they’re much closer to the real truth and the real journey.  

In short, the spiritual journey is a transformative journey of being humbled by forces beyond our control, and then transforming as a result of that humbling. Triumph over some ordeal leads to a return or rebirth, where the individual, now  enlightened, integrates the acquired wisdom into their life, often with a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to share their insights with others, just as the hero returns with a boon for their community.

References

Allison, S. T. (2024). Spiritual journey’s similarity to the hero’s journey. In S. T. Allison, J. K. Beggan, and G. R. Goethals (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Heroism Studies. Springer.

Rohr, R. (2025).  A story of transformation. Center for Action and Contemplation, July 11th.

What if Love—Not courage or Duty—is the Real Spark Behind Heroism?

Commentary and Analysis

By Scott T. Allison

More than 2,000 years ago, Plato’s Symposium explored love’s power to inspire acts of bravery. Phaedrus, the dialogue’s opening speaker, claimed that love could push even the most timid soul to risk everything. He imagined an army of lovers who would fight with unmatched valor, unwilling to appear weak before their beloveds. Love, in this sense, isn’t a soft emotion—it’s a force that fuels greatness.

This idea—that love drives heroism—has ancient roots, but it remains deeply relevant today. Across cultures and throughout history, the most profound acts of courage are often born not from duty or ambition, but from love in its many forms. Romantic love, yes—but also friendship, familial bonds, compassion, and even love of justice or humanity itself.

The Many Faces of Love

The Greeks had at least eight words for love:

  • Eros: passionate, romantic love
  • Philia: deep friendship
  • Storge: familial affection
  • Agape: selfless, unconditional love
  • Ludus: playful, flirtatious affection
  • Pragma: practical, enduring love
  • Philautia: self-love (healthy or narcissistic)
  • Mania: obsessive, intense love

Each of these can motivate heroic acts. A parent shielding a child (storge), a friend standing up for another (philia), a partner risking all for their beloved (eros), or someone acting out of universal compassion (agape)—these are all expressions of love leading to moral courage.

Heroism Isn’t Always Grand

We tend to think of heroes as warriors or saviors, but heroism often shows up in quiet, everyday ways. Love in action is what makes someone speak up for the marginalized, stand firm in the face of injustice, or care relentlessly for someone in need. Philosopher Simone Weil saw love as a kind of moral gravity—a pull toward the suffering of others. Psychologists like Erich Fromm and Viktor Frankl showed that love is an act, a commitment, a leap beyond self-interest.

Heroism as Embodied Love

So what exactly do we mean when we say “heroism is love in action”? It’s more than sentiment. It’s embodied—lived through our physical and relational presence. It’s when we show up. When we take a risk. When we put someone else’s well-being above our own, even in small ways.

Modern research supports this. Studies show that empathy and attachment—forms of love—predict acts of moral courage. Neuroscience reveals that witnessing compassion can create real physiological changes: warmth in the chest, goosebumps, a tear in the eye. These reactions often motivate us to act heroically ourselves.

Love Transforms Us

Joseph Campbell, in The Hero with a Thousand Faces, described the hero’s journey as a transformative adventure. What if love is the real engine behind that transformation? Love, like suffering, has the power to change us—but unlike suffering, we seek it. It’s a risk we take willingly.

When we say that heroism is love in action, we’re naming something ancient and intuitive: that real bravery often springs from deep emotional bonds. That standing up, speaking out, or sacrificing doesn’t come from abstract ideals alone—it comes from loving someone or something deeply enough to act.

Everyday Heroism

Most people, when asked who their greatest hero is, name a parent—often their mother. Why? Because mothers (and fathers) embody love through tireless, unglamorous acts of care, protection, and support. This, too, is heroism.

Love doesn’t need to be dramatic to be powerful. It lives in daily, often invisible acts of kindness and integrity. A caregiver tending to the elderly, a teacher advocating for a struggling student, a bystander stepping in—these are the thousand faces of love, each one heroic.

Why It Matters

Rethinking heroism as love in action expands our moral imagination. It says: you don’t need to be a soldier, activist, or first responder to be heroic. You need only to love with courage.

This perspective democratizes heroism. It welcomes us all into the circle of potential greatness—not because we seek glory, but because we care. And because we’re willing to act.

In the end, love isn’t just an emotion. It’s a call to action. And heroism, at its core, may simply be the choice to answer that call.

References

Allison, S. T. (2024). Definitions and descriptions of heroism. In S. T. Allison, J. K. Beggan, and G. R. Goethals (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Heroism Studies. Springer.

Allison, S. T., Beggan, J. K., & Goethals, G. R. (Eds.) (2024). The encyclopedia of heroism studies. Springer.

Allison, S. T., Goethals, G. R., Marrinan, A. R., Parker, O. M., Spyrou, S. P., Stein, M. (2019). The metamorphosis of the hero: Principles, processes, and purpose. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 606.

Campbell, J. (1949). The hero with a thousand faces. New World Library.

Frankl, V. (1946). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press.

Plato. (2008). Symposium (B. Jowett, Trans.). Project Gutenberg. (Original work published ca. 380 BCE)

My Hero Roberto Clemente and the Night that Happiness Died

Sports Heroes

By Scott T. Allison

What is the recipe for heroism?  Because heroism is in the eye of the beholder, there is no set list of ingredients.  But research reveals that especially powerful and iconic heroes are perceived to possess at least a few of the following characteristics: (1) They have an exceptional talent; (2) They have a strong moral compass; (3) They incur significant risk; and (4) They make the ultimate sacrifice while helping others.

Roberto Clemente was one of those rare and extraordinary individuals who beautifully, and tragically, fit this mold of a great hero.  Today, nearly five decades after his untimely death, Clemente’s accomplishments, selflessness, and charisma make him an unforgettable hero.

It was the way he lived — and the way he died — that made Clemente an extraordinary individual.

Former major league baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn once said of Clemente, “He had about him the touch of royalty.”  Duane Rieder, Director of the Clemente museum, said, “There was something about him that was magical.”

Dozens of schools, hospitals, parks, and baseball fields bear his name today. What did Clemente do to earn such veneration?

We won’t delve into many details of Clemente’s genius on the baseball field.  We will say that while playing for the Pittsburgh Pirates from 1955 to 1972, he won multiple batting titles, gold glove awards, world championships, and most valuable player awards.  He hit for average and he hit for power.  He possessed great speed and a rocket of a throwing arm.

Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully once said, “Clemente could field a ball in New York and throw out a guy in Pennsylvania.”

People who knew Clemente argue that as great as he was a player, he was an even better human being.  When traveling from city to city as a player, he routinely visited sick children in local hospitals.  According to author David Maraniss, Clemente spent significant time in Latin American cities, where he would often walk the streets with a large bag of coins, searching out poor people.

Wrote Maraniss: “To the needy strangers he encountered in Managua, Clemente asked, “What’s your name? How many in your family?” Then he handed them coins, two or three or four, until his bag was empty.”

Clemente once said, “Any time you have an opportunity to make things better and you don’t, then you are wasting your time on this Earth.”

Clemente, a native Puerto Rican, also overcame significant adversity.  He grew up in poverty.  He faced discrimination, living in an era that tended to be intolerant of non-White, non-English speaking people.  Because baseball at the time was dominated by Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, and Hank Aaron, Clemente was often overlooked in discussions of great athletes.  Clemente was also hampered throughout his career by chronic back and neck problems.  Yet he still managed to accumulate an exemplary record of achievement on the baseball field.

To this day, the manner in which Clemente died still brings people to tears.  In late December of 1972, he heard that Managua, Nicaragua, had been devastated by a massive earthquake.  Clemente immediately began arranging emergency relief flights from Puerto Rico.  He soon learned, however, that the aid packages on the first three flights never reached victims of the quake.  Apparently, corrupt officials had diverted those flights.  Clemente decided to accompany the fourth relief flight to ensure that the relief supplies would be delivered to the survivors.

The airplane he chartered for a New Year’s Eve flight, a Douglas DC-7, had a history of mechanical problems and was overloaded by 5,000 pounds.  Shortly after takeoff, the plane crashed into the ocean off the coast of Puerto Rico, killing the 38 year-old Clemente and three others.

News of Clemente’s death spread quickly.  In Puerto Rico, New Year’s Eve celebrations ground to a halt. “The streets were empty, the radios silent, except for news about Roberto,” said long-time friend Rudy Hernandez. “Traffic? Except for the road near Punta Maldonado, forget it. All of us cried. All of us who knew him and even those who didn’t wept that week.”

Nick Acosta, another friend, summed up the fateful night that Clemente died.  “It was the night the happiness died,” he said.

Check out this short video showcasing Clemente’s selfless heroism:


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Living the 12 Traditions: Building Better Relationships Through Al-Anon Principles

Blogroll

Tradition One Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition One in action in a friendship:

Tradition One:

“Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity.”

Scenario:

Two friends, Alex and Jamie, planned to co-host a small gathering. Jamie often runs late and changes plans last-minute, which frustrates Alex. After a recent incident, Alex feels disrespected and wants to cancel future plans.

Applying Tradition One – “Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.”

1. Pause for Perspective

  • Alex remembers that the goal isn’t to “win” but to protect the friendship and their own peace.
  • Instead of cutting off Jamie, Alex takes time to calm down and consider what’s best for the relationship and their own well-being.

2. Have a Respectful, Honest Conversation

  • Alex says, “I really value our friendship, and I want us to keep enjoying our time together. But when plans change last-minute, I end up feeling anxious and overlooked.”
  • This prioritizes unity and mutual respect—not blame or control.

3. Create a Boundary That Supports Both

  • They agree on a new plan: Jamie will give a heads-up if they’re running late, and Alex will plan flexibly or set limits on certain commitments.
  • The relationship is preserved and both people feel heard and respected.

Outcome:

Instead of focusing on being right or giving up on the relationship, they worked toward unity by being honest, setting respectful boundaries, and focusing on what’s best for both of them.

Tradition Two Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Two in action in a romantic relationship:

Tradition Two:

“For our group purpose there is but one authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.”

Scenario:

Taylor and Morgan, a couple, are arguing over how to spend their weekend. Taylor wants quiet time at home; Morgan wants to go out with friends. Tension rises as each tries to push their own agenda.

Applying Tradition Two – Shared Guidance, Not Control

1. Pause and Invite Higher Guidance

  • Instead of arguing, they take a break and reflect on what a loving, balanced choice might look like—this is like listening for a “group conscience” guided by mutual respect and a Higher Power.

2. Practice Equality, Not Control

  • Taylor says, “I realize I’ve been trying to control the plan. I want us both to feel good about how we spend time.”
  • Morgan responds, “I hear that. I don’t want to pressure you either. Maybe we can find something that meets both our needs.”

3. Trust Each Other as Servants, Not Governors

  • They decide to spend Saturday evening with friends (Morgan’s choice), and Sunday as a quiet day at home (Taylor’s need).

Outcome:

Instead of pushing their own way, they paused, listened, and worked together as equals. They trusted a higher principle—love, respect, and compromise—to guide their decision, rather than fighting for control.

Tradition Three Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Three in action in a work relationship:

Tradition Three:

“The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”

At its core, this Tradition is about belonging without conditions, inclusion, and avoiding distractions or divisions based on outside affiliations or expectations.

Scenario:

Jordan and Sam are coworkers on a team project. Sam is introverted and doesn’t engage much socially at work, while Jordan thrives on collaboration and team bonding. Jordan starts to feel annoyed and distant, thinking Sam “isn’t a team player.”

Applying Tradition Three – Acceptance Without Conditions

1. Focus on the Shared Purpose

  • Jordan reflects: “Our purpose is to work well together and complete the project—not to be socially alike.”
  • Jordan shifts focus from trying to change Sam’s personality to collaborating respectfully.

2. Practice Inclusion Without Pressure

  • Jordan invites Sam to optional meetings without expecting them to participate socially.
  • Sam feels more accepted and slowly opens up in a professional, comfortable way.

3. Let Go of Outside Expectations

  • Jordan stops expecting Sam to conform to their own ideas of a “good teammate” and starts appreciating Sam’s quiet strengths.

Outcome:

The relationship improves as Jordan practices acceptance over expectation, keeping the focus on their shared work—not on personal differences. By letting go of conditional thinking, unity and cooperation grow naturally.

Tradition Four Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Four in action in a friendship:

Tradition Four:

“Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.”

This Tradition highlights the value of autonomy—allowing others the freedom to make their own choices—while recognizing when those choices impact the relationship as a whole.

Scenario:

Riley and Casey are close friends. Riley loves to plan everything down to the detail, while Casey prefers to be spontaneous. When they plan a weekend trip together, Riley gets frustrated when Casey changes the itinerary last-minute. Casey feels controlled and boxed in.

Applying Tradition Four – Balancing Autonomy and Shared Impact

1. Respect Individual Autonomy

  • Riley acknowledges: “Casey has the right to make spontaneous choices. That’s part of who they are.”
  • Casey reflects: “Riley values planning, and that helps things run smoothly.”

2. Recognize When It Affects the Relationship

  • They talk about how Casey’s last-minute changes caused Riley stress—and how Riley’s rigidity can make Casey feel stifled.
  • They realize these choices aren’t just personal—they impact the relationship.

3. Set Respectful Agreements

  • They agree to a basic structure for the trip with room for spontaneous detours, so both needs are honored.
  • They commit to checking in before making significant changes.

Outcome:

By honoring each other’s autonomy and addressing how their choices affect one another, Riley and Casey create a more respectful and enjoyable dynamic—one that reflects both individuality and shared responsibility.

Tradition Five Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Five in action in a romantic relationship:

Tradition Five:

“Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.”

The essence of this Tradition is staying focused on a shared purpose, especially one rooted in care, healing, or connection—rather than being distracted by ego, blame, or control.

Scenario:

Ava and Jordan are a couple. Lately, they’ve been arguing over chores and time spent together. The tension grows, and the arguments start to feel more about who’s doing more or who’s right, rather than resolving the real issue.

Applying Tradition Five – Returning to the Relationship’s Purpose

1. Refocus on Shared Purpose

  • Ava reflects: “What matters most isn’t who’s right—it’s that we both feel loved and supported.”
  • Jordan agrees: “I want us to be close again, not caught in keeping score.”

2. Let Love Lead the Conversation

  • They shift the discussion from blame to understanding: “When you don’t help with dishes, I feel overwhelmed,” and “When I feel nagged, I shut down.”

3. Make Choices That Support the Relationship’s Health

  • Instead of arguing about the past, they create a small plan to share chores and commit to regular check-ins—supporting the deeper goal of feeling connected and respected.

Outcome:

By returning to their shared spiritual purpose—love, partnership, and growth—they stop fighting against each other and start working together again. Tradition Five reminds them that their relationship exists not to win arguments but to help each other become healthier and more loving.

Tradition Six Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Six in action in a work relationship:

Tradition Six:

“Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.”

This Tradition cautions us not to let money, prestige, or outside agendas interfere with our core purpose—whether in a group or a relationship.

Scenario:

Elena and Marcus are coworkers and also friends. Marcus asks Elena to promote his side business to their office team. Elena feels uncomfortable—she values the friendship and doesn’t want to upset Marcus, but she also feels it’s inappropriate.

Applying Tradition Six – Keeping Relationships Free from Outside Agendas

1. Identify the Core Purpose

  • Elena thinks: “Our friendship and work relationship are built on mutual respect—not business favors or personal gain.”

2. Gently Maintain Integrity

  • Elena says, “I support you, but I want to keep our work space focused on work. I hope you understand.”

3. Avoid Letting Prestige or Pressure Cloud the Relationship

  • Marcus feels disappointed but appreciates Elena’s honesty. Their friendship stays intact because Elena stayed true to her values without blaming or shaming.

Outcome:

By not mixing friendship with financial gain or outside promotion, Elena honors the relationship’s foundation. Tradition Six helps them avoid the distractions and potential resentment that can come from outside entanglements.

Tradition Seven Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Seven in action in a romantic relationship:

Tradition Seven:

“Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”

In personal relationships, this Tradition encourages emotional and financial self-responsibility, reminding us not to rely on others to meet needs we can manage ourselves—and not to over-give in ways that breed resentment.

Scenario:

Sam and Riley are a couple. Riley often pays for everything—groceries, rent, outings—because Sam is struggling financially. Over time, Riley starts to feel taken for granted, while Sam feels ashamed and dependent.

Applying Tradition Seven – Practicing Self-Support

1. Acknowledge the Imbalance

  • Riley reflects: “I want to help, but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed. This doesn’t feel like a balanced partnership anymore.”
  • Sam admits: “I’ve been relying too much on you. I need to start taking more responsibility.”

2. Shift Toward Shared Responsibility

  • They agree on a new plan: Sam contributes what they can financially, and helps more with household tasks, while working toward greater financial independence.

3. Prioritize Emotional Self-Support Too

  • Riley also begins checking in with a sponsor and setting boundaries around financial help, while Sam starts therapy to work through feelings of inadequacy.

Outcome:

Their relationship grows stronger as both take responsibility for themselves. Tradition Seven helps them avoid codependence and foster mutual respect and dignity.

Tradition Eight Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Eight in action in a friendship:

Tradition Eight:

“Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.”

This Tradition reminds us that personal relationships are not therapy sessions—we’re equals, not fixers. Support is best offered through love and presence, not as unsolicited advice or emotional management.

Scenario:

Leah is going through a tough breakup and frequently leans on her friend Dani for support. Dani, wanting to help, starts giving lots of advice—telling Leah what she should do, what to feel, and how to move on. Leah starts pulling away, feeling unheard and judged.

Applying Tradition Eight – Offering Support, Not Fixes

1. Shift from Fixing to Listening

  • Dani realizes: “I’ve been trying to act like a therapist instead of a friend. What Leah needs is someone to just be there.”

2. Offer Presence, Not Professionalism

  • Dani says: “I’m here for you. I don’t have all the answers, but I care about you deeply. Do you want to talk or just hang out?”

3. Respect Boundaries and Roles

  • Leah feels safer and more accepted, and their friendship deepens through mutual respect rather than emotional overreach.

Outcome:

The friendship strengthens as Dani learns to support without overstepping. Tradition Eight helps both friends stay grounded in their equal, loving roles, instead of falling into unhelpful dynamics like advice-giving, rescuing, or emotional dependency.

Tradition Nine Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Nine in action in a work relationship:

Tradition Nine:

“Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.”

This Tradition teaches us that relationships thrive on cooperation, not control. While some structure can help things run smoothly, it should serve the people involved—not dominate them.

Scenario:

Maya and Leo are coworkers collaborating on a project. Maya likes structure and wants to set rigid roles and detailed schedules. Leo prefers flexibility and feels stifled by too many rules. Tension builds as both feel frustrated and unheard.

Applying Tradition Nine – Creating Supportive, Not Controlling, Structure

1. Reevaluate the Purpose of Organization

  • Maya reflects: “My structure should help us, not control the whole process.”
  • Leo realizes: “Some structure might actually reduce stress if I have a say in it.”

2. Co-create a Flexible System

  • They agree to set basic deadlines and task divisions, but with room for adjustments and check-ins.
  • They each take responsibility for parts of the project, with shared oversight.

3. Use Structure to Serve the Relationship

  • They focus on collaboration over control, making the process supportive rather than rigid.

Outcome:

By creating a system that serves both their working styles, they improve not just the project but their respect for one another. Tradition Nine reminds us that structure should serve people—not dominate them.

Tradition Ten Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Ten in action in a friendship:

Tradition Ten:

“The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”

This Tradition teaches us to avoid taking sides or pushing opinions on outside issues, especially when it could damage connection or cause unnecessary conflict. It emphasizes peace over controversy.

Scenario:

Chris and Taylor are longtime friends. During a lunch conversation, they start discussing a hot-button political issue. Chris feels passionate and pushes their opinion strongly. Taylor, who disagrees, starts to feel uncomfortable and unheard. Their friendship becomes tense.

Applying Tradition Ten – Prioritizing Connection Over Controversy

1. Step Back from the Debate

  • Chris notices the tension and reflects: “Is this conversation bringing us closer or pushing us apart?”

2. Respect Differences

  • Chris says, “I realize we see this differently, and I don’t want this issue to come between us. Let’s focus on what brings us together.”

3. Choose Unity Over Being Right

  • They agree to shift the conversation and revisit topics that deepen their friendship rather than divide it.

Outcome:

By setting aside an outside controversy, Chris and Taylor preserve their connection. Tradition Ten helps them remember that relationships don’t have to hinge on agreement—only on mutual respect.

Tradition Eleven Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Eleven in action in a romantic relationship:

Tradition Eleven:

“Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV.”

At its heart, this Tradition teaches us to let our actions speak louder than words, and to value humility, privacy, and integrity over trying to impress or control how others see us or our relationships.

Scenario:

Nina and Alex are in a relationship. Nina loves sharing about their life together on social media. Alex, more private, starts feeling exposed and uncomfortable when their disagreements or personal moments are mentioned in posts. It begins to cause conflict.

Applying Tradition Eleven – Attraction Over Promotion

1. Shift from Image to Integrity

  • Nina reflects: “I’ve been more focused on how we look as a couple than how we feel as a couple.”
  • Alex shares: “I value our relationship, but I need more privacy to feel safe.”

2. Practice Humility and Respect for Anonymity

  • They agree to keep certain aspects of their relationship private, focusing on building trust and closeness offline.

3. Let Love Show Through Actions

  • Nina decides to express appreciation directly to Alex instead of through public posts, and Alex responds with warmth and gratitude.

Outcome:

By choosing quiet authenticity over public approval, they strengthen their connection. Tradition Eleven reminds them that true attraction comes from how we treat each other—not from how we’re perceived by others.

Tradition Twelve Example

Here’s a simple, real-world example that shows Tradition Twelve in action in a romantic relationship:

Here’s a heartfelt example of Tradition Twelve applied in a romantic relationship:

Tradition Twelve:

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.”

This Tradition encourages us to focus on principles like love, humility, patience, and respect, rather than getting caught up in ego, pride, or emotional reactions to others’ flaws.

Scenario:

Ella and Jonah are in a relationship. Jonah has a habit of interrupting during conversations, which makes Ella feel dismissed. She begins to take it personally, and tension builds. Ella starts criticizing Jonah in return, leading to more hurt feelings.

Applying Tradition Twelve – Principles Above Personalities

1. Shift from Reaction to Reflection

  • Ella pauses and reflects: “Instead of reacting to Jonah’s behavior, can I respond with patience and kindness?”

2. Speak from Principle, Not Emotion

  • Ella calmly says, “When I’m interrupted, I feel unimportant. I’d appreciate more space to finish my thoughts.”
  • She avoids attacking Jonah’s personality and instead focuses on her need, grounded in respect.

3. Jonah Responds with Humility

  • Jonah, instead of defending himself, says, “I didn’t realize how that affected you. I’ll work on being more mindful.”

Outcome:

By placing principles over personalities, they move from blame and defensiveness to empathy and action. Tradition Twelve helps them practice humility, listen with love, and prioritize connection over ego.