In these moments of the last couple of weeks I feel like my body and mind have not been in the same place no matter how much I try and pull them together. I have had to really try and make myself present in situations. Yes, I would be there for the moment but as soon as my mind starts to wander off I am gone for good. Life has been thrown at me these last couple of weeks but I continue to have positive thoughts. I continue to say a quote to myself everyday: “If it is not going to matter in 5 min, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years .. why stress over it?” That turns my mindset around and then that turns my full day around. I take my min. everyday that I can! It is always something that reminds me to do it and I really wish I had this when I was physically active in school. “Stressed To The Max” was my nickname at one point in school. I was in overload for my last 2 semester and I feel like I still am. Granted I do not have 24 credits this semester but balancing work, School, rehearsal and a life outside of that is hard. But, always doing my best.
Emergent Strategy and Intention for New Moon:
The tone I receive sometimes from leaders who want to lead a movement for political or social change is hints anger, passion, and intensity. However, after reading the “Emergent Strategy”, I felt at ease, hopeful, and inspired. One of the first things that the reading says is that the mindset for initiating change should come from a “place of healing, more than dominating others with our beliefs.” I think that a peaceful mindset will create better change rather than an angry one which could lead to further destruction.
Another thing mentioned in the reading is that there is history in every living thing. I believe that history exists in the non living as well. It reminds me that everything has a past and that every situation cannot be handled the same. Knowledge about whatever social change we want to create is essential because of the vast amount of history in everything. Furthermore, history inevitably comes with change. The reading also states that we have to embrace change because there is no avoiding it. We have to learn to mindfully adapt to new situations. Adapting does not mean to blindly conform to new conventions. I think it means that we have to acknowledge change and see what next steps to take to take.
Intention: After the burial ground, my main intention was to absorb more knowledge about the history and why we are doing the performance. The knowledge will allow me to better understand my position in the performance and how to better inform others.
The reading helped clarify my intention. I have to mindfully know all of the aspects of the project in order to help it progress. I want to not only be beneficial to the group but I want to extend what I learn and hopefully teach my friends and have them teach theirs. Hopefully, that will initiate more people joining in the commemoration of the burial ground and other places, communities or people that have been affected from racism or any other social injustice.
Intentional Adaption Reflection
- Read your intention for this class 3-7 times, getting slower each time you read.
- Take 2 minutes to arrive – Arrange your body so your spine is lengthened and at ease. Notice your breath. Say “OK,” to whatever arises.
- Allow memories from the last 1-2 weeks to float into your mind (they may already be racing around).
- Notice within these memories when you had to adapt (shift, change, respond) to circumstances beyond your control. How was your intention in relationship to these moments?
- Was it present?
- Was it clear?
- If so, how did it affect your adaption?
- If not, what was guiding your choices? (Emotions, bodily needs, other folk’s choices/intentions)
- Now take 10-15 minutes to write down your responses. Allow more detail to emerge within the writing.
My intention: Open to novelty, learn and be better.
While having my intention echoes and playing the memories from the past 2 weeks in the background, I realized that I ended up analyzing my past actions based on the intention that I have in mind. I could say that I was present, because I didn’t space out too much.
It was clear to me that my intention is built on the basis of me, being in a new space and surrounded by a completely new group of people. Though the concept of teaching and learning is familiar, but it’s still something that I have to thread with caution. When facing people of different background (demography, trauma, age, gender, race), I always tell myself to “learn” how they perceive me (a new person), how my choice of words would please or might offend them or even fit into the space that I am in. From learning those reactions (from the people I interact with and the space I’m in) I realized that I can’t really say what I have in mind freely (although it could be a constructive comment/suggestion or maybe not), and I have to always be extra careful. I have always been someone who is sensitive to choice of words (I’m a minority in Malaysia and a woman. I believe I am a minority in this world), however, it is different here or wherever I go when I’m out of my country. Being extra sensitive and saying the “right” words is in a way, a way to survive when one is studying/teaching/living abroad. It is even challenging when the people you interact with aren’t being sensitive to your background and expect you to treat them with care. Open to novelty, always learn, adapt and be a better person – that’s what I’m trying to strive always.
According to my memory, my most recent moment of adaptation happened on September 18th.
Time decided to pick up an accelerated speed, which was a change I was not ready for.
I’ve always had a habit of biting off more than I can chew, which I know isn’t good, but I always
seemed to finish chewing before the timer went off. Well, the timer that began on September
18th at around 9:20am when I woke up, then ended at 11:59pm, the same day–and honestly I
wasn’t finished chewing. I had three assignments due that night, and only one was turned in on
time (the movement response assignment for this class that we had to record).
I then had to switch gears and go into save mode, because I needed to save myself from
fulfilling my assignments and deadlines any later. I emailed professors, spoke to my peers, and
had a little talk with myself as well. Most of my adaptation came from emotions, and the help of
others. I always appreciate the help of others and am incredibly grateful for it. In addition to that,
I used my emotions of anger that I wasn’t able to fulfill deadlines as I usually would like, as well
as my emotions of motivation from being challenged. This is what pushed me to continue and
overcome the fact that time was no longer my friend this day.
I can’t control time, but it definitely can affect me, which it did. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long
for me to adapt, but it definitely caused me to move at a faster pace and make schedule
changes that I usually wouldn’t have to make.
“Time waits on no one,” my mom would always tell me. And she’s absolutely right. Whatever we
do, we must be considerate of time. Not operate solely by time, because energy is also
important, but be mindful of time.
After this experience, I’ve begun to use my planner more to keep me updated on deadlines and
events. I’ve also kept close with friends and peers in my classes and they give me subtle
reminders as well. I’ve also started extending my minute of relaxation to 5 minutes and after this
relaxation I begin writing my to-do list and reminding myself about the assignments I need to
I am comfortable with my ability to adapt and while my skills have improved, they’re ultimately
not perfect or as close to perfect as I desire them to be. I will continue to work on adapting and
being more clear with my intentions, not only to those around me but to myself.
Intentional Adaption Reflection: Write about something in your week where your intention arose.
My greater intention is to find happiness and fulfillment in what I do.
The thought that came up to me the most often were conflicts with music and choreography for a charity lip sync I have been working on. I think this was the most prevalent in my mind because the performance is tomorrow and changes are still being made. My intention was pretty clear and present in these moments of conflict because the end goal of the dance was to just have fun with it and I let that happiness guide me. The group I am helping consists of 15 boys with very limited dance background and so teaching them, even what I found simple dance moves, was frustrating. It was rewarding after a while though because I could see how much fun they were having and I felt a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.