It is difficult to be alone. It is more difficult to become alone. In order to be alone, you have to remove yourself from people, which is what we saw Chris do in Into the Wild. He decides to forsake his family, his friends, his culture, his lifestyle, almost everything just to go be alone in the woods. He tests his independence by cutting himself off from all that is somewhat dependable. But think about it, the very fact that you are alive right now depended (and even still depends) upon someone else deciding to take care of you, willing you to live from the beginning.
We aren’t meant to be alone. It isn’t good for us to be alone. That’s why we long to have relationships with people. We can be alone and be happy, because you only cut yourself off from people is if you are determined it will bring you happiness. But it seems to me that the only real happiness I’ve felt is when I have been satisfied with where I am and have been able to overcome thinking about myself in order to enjoy the presence of others.
This year has been a challenging one. I lost a lot of things that I depended upon to bring me happiness over the summer and spent a lot of time being upset about it. I kept thinking about how sad I was and how I wanted all those things back and thought that I could never
be happy again without them. (Rather dramatic, I KNOW!). I tried, and succeeded in being moderately happy at times, but it never lasted because I didn’t want to let others partake in that happiness. I tried to hoard it for myself. The only way for me to get over my thinking about myself and my own sadness, was to think about other people, specifically the people I live with. After a certain
point, meaning the camping trip we took, I realized that I was hiding myself from other people. I had been removing myself from the community I had purposefully pursued the semester before. Everyone around me had such vision for their lives, such compassion for one-another, such openness and I hadn’t even tried to find it out. It was selfish of me and I’m sorry for it.
I’ve realized that the greatest part of my joy comes from taking my mind off enjoying the people around me. Alone, I can only wallow in my shortcomings and broken dreams. When I’m with others, I don’t have time to think about the past and the future, only my present happiness. I have heard a lot of people say that they want to “get away” and “just enjoy creation”. People are part of that creation. The world wouldn’t be complete without people in it. This year of my life wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t have Earth Lodge. I am so thankful that I wasn’t able to cut myself off completely from my friends because then I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the great and beautiful things that are happening in and through their lives. So I wholeheartedly agree with the note in Chris McCandless’ book. Happiness is only real when shared.
Random add-ons
*Every time I look at the night sky I think about something I once read: “Lift your eyes to the heavens, who has created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls them each by name”. I also think of this verse when I consider the people in my
life. I wonder at where who they are and where they come from. Each one is different and each one has a specific name to be called by.*
**I saw two bald eagles flying over the lake together earlier this week. They were either very in love or very territorial, but either way it was beautiful and I got overly excited and started yelling to my friend Joell who was sitting approximately 5 inches away. I didn’t believe you TLB when you said that we had them in this area. Now I do….**