What do Kelly and Phoebe’s posts have
in common (besides their excellent taste in poetry)? Both focus on the
importance of forgetting oneself. They both speak of the necessity of all
people to lay down their lives for the betterment of others. Phoebe grounds
herself in admiration of the earth worm’s capability to live entirely to make
room for roots and other underground critters to pass through. Reading it, I
felt undeserving to have acquainted with such a creature. It’s the same feeling
one gets when they realize the person they just laughed at was the one who left
them a posy of flowers on their desk. A longing was stirred up within me, that
I might be worthy enough to live a life underground and the service of others.
The question that comes to mind is “How? How do you do this and how can I do
this too”. Kelly, on the other hand, asks “WHY”. His frustration is one of
those emotions that affects everyone who comes into contact with it. It isn’t
just a self-centered spiral of sickly sweet disgust. It is an electric current
that makes me frustrated as well. At first I was frustrated with Kelly for
bringing this up. “Why,” I asked “Why does he waste his time saying what
everyone has heard before?” That’s not the point. Kelly, at least, has enough
courage to ask such a bold question that challenges the way he thinks. I, once
again, find myself shying away from expansion of perspective.
I love to challenge myself physically, but
find the mental frontier a much more difficult border to cross though. I have
seen this demonstrate itself in my studies & my personal life. I never ask
questions, I just observe, accept, and understand. This observance comes into
play in the way I interact with the world. I interact and cherish what I do understand
and don’t worry about what I don’t. But I have realized, after recently
interviewing next year’s Lodgers, I am not really pushing myself in the ways I
wanted to when I applied a year ago. I applied last year because I wanted to
challenge myself both physically and mentally. I wanted to be more excited at the
thought of spending days in the woods without a proper toilet. I wanted to be
able to shift my focus from down within me and my reactions to the world, and
out to how the world is reacting with itself. I knew that Earth Lodge had a
reputation for being a place where people not only were aware of the issues in
the earth, but combined that with a passion for spending time in the outdoors. I
decided to apply this practically by letting my friends drag me up and down the
Shenandoah Valley National Park for a week.
I had no uggs; no toilets; no chocolate…
…Okay, there was some chocolate! I had a great time. I also
have some really horrifying stories from that trip that I still haven’t told
anyone about! Not even people who were with me at the time! It was really
challenging. Physically, I wasn’t prepared to ramble about on the side of a
mountain for days on end. Emotionally I wasn’t prepared to deal with the
conflicts that were arising as we forged rivers and battled poison ivy. And I
wasn’t prepared for the challenging of trusting my friends to lead me properly.
Celeste, having spent considerable time meandering about in Alaska, naturally
was our trip leader. But, being my best friend, I found it difficult to listen
to her as an authority on the subject of survival. So I observed, tried to
accept, and didn’t understand. What I should have done was ask “why”. Instead,
I got frustrated and focused on something I knew would make me happy,
discovering natural marvels all around me. No one suffered from this decision
except for me, but it was in direct contrast to everything I wanted to be doing
in that season. Instead of pushing for mental extension, I let myself settle
into comfort.
I have seen
this comfort in all my recent posts, and even as a theme in this one. So I am
going to change the pace. Instead of writing about things I understand, like my
friends, I am going to write about something I don’t understand. A couple weeks
ago we went as a class to check out Belle Isle. The coolest part of that
adventure was discovering a little more about the City of Richmond, and how it
interacts with the James. On the river, they have a bridge, or half of one,
standing as a memorial of Richmond fell to the soldiers of the Union. There is
a timeline of events and a series of quotes that speak of the emotions the
citizens of Richmond felt as they watched their beloved home burning to bits.
The
Confederation has a bad reputation where I live. People who were for the
division of the United States are considered to be horrible hateful people who
want to enslave others. But from reading the quotes, the people who lived in
Richmond, the Capital of the South, seemed to be just like anyone else. I want
to know why the Lee’s made the decisions that they did. Was it purely because
they wanted to have slaves? I’m sure there must have been much more to it than
that. The people of Richmond, like any normal person, were forlorn at the idea
of losing their home and all it stood for. At the time, they had a very clear
idea of what that was. I want to know what that idea is today. I want to know
what people would miss the most about Richmond if they were forced to evacuate.
I want to know why Richmond is tied so solidly to the James. What is it about
this River that has implanted its image so solidly into the hearts of all who
call this city home?
I hope that
I learn the answers to these questions. But I hope I find new questions to ask
in the process. I especially hope that I will have the courage to ask the right
questions in the future.
*This week my discovery wasn’t an animal, it was all the daffodils
that are suddenly showing their faces all over campus. I am including, in the
spirit of Kelly&Phoebe, a poem by Wordsworth. It’s one of my favorites.
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Hopefully
they’ll still be there when people do their next reflection pieces! That way
they can really understand the words “I gazed—and gazed—but little thought,
what wealth the show to me had brought”. Also, jocund is one of my favorite
words.
I had some experience with another
unusual species: The VCU student.*