Ups and Downs of the First Two Weeks

Hello again,

With the first leg of this trip completed, and the second leg almost finished, I thought I’d take some time to fully reflect on the trip so far. This trip has been one of, if not the, most incredible experiences of my life. I have met some inspiring people, tried delicious, new food, and experienced the exhilarating thrill of a tuk-tuk ride. That being said, the trip has not been without struggle. I have had my beliefs question, as well as a fair amount of unpreventable traveler’s anxiety. The remainder of this trip will thus be a culmination of the highs and lows of the first two weeks.

Bangkok, Thailand is a truly remarkable city. It has both tremendous wealth and poverty. It, too, is extremely mobile; there is really no part of the city that is inaccessible. While in Bangkok, we had the distinct pleasure of meeting Mr Hartanto. Hartanto runs a school for at risk and formerly-trafficked young girls. At this school, he and his limited staff teach the girls both basic skills they need to succeed as Thai nurses and meditation techniques. When asked about what sets his girls apart from the rest of the workforce, Hartanto is quick to ascribe their success to discipline. This discipline is formed through meditation techniques. Hartanto is a former monk, and is truly the archetype for zen.

Hartanto became our tour guide for the rest of our time in Bangkok. Among locals, he commanded respect. He never had to pay at attractions. Everyone knew his name. He was truly a one of a kind, larger than life personality who seemed to only have good in his heart. He gave us exposed us to some great Thai cooking as well. There was this fried sea bass dish we had almost every mean there on out that was delicious though un-filling. With Hartanto, too, was the first time I ate corn ice cream. I don’t know if I’d buy it back in the United States, but it was a good one time treat.

We left Bangkok for Chang Rai last weekend and I had no idea what to expect. Hartanto dropped us off at the picturesque Bangkok airport and bid us a “see you soon,” over a “goodbye.” We checked our bags and I had a craving for a burger, so I had a double whopper with bacon and cheese. We boarded our Thai Smile flight to Chang Rai and were airborne for less than an hour and a half. Thai Smile was an interesting airline. All of their informational and safety videos were caricature style cartoons with, appropriately, big smiles. We landed at the small Chang Rai airport and squeezed all of our group and luggage into a van. We travelled to the Wangcome Hotel, where we’d crash for awhile before dinner and the night market.

The Wangcoeme hotel falls right on the theoretical border of stuck in time and haunted. The hotel itself is massive, and has too many rooms for too few guests. Both I and Sara Rock described it as “that hotel from The Shining.” The service, however, is impeccable. My room gets made up every morning in what seems to be an instant. Everything is tidy, and the hotel’s breakfast in their made up dining room each morning is a nice start to the day. The lobby is comfortable and is made of wall to wall windows where you get a clear view of the surrounding, Chang Rai city streets. The Night Bazaar is just two blocks away. It is filled with nice pop up shops and local performers. The food there, too, is very nice. There are options ranging from traditional northern Thai food to Chinese, and American style fried food. I purchased some gifts for the folks back home while I was there the first night, then went to bed.

After the first night in Chang Rai, we met one of Dr Spires’ friends, Aor. She brought us to her house and taught us how to cook Thai food. We ate dinner and listened to her incredible story from stateless to NGO superstar. We met her boyfriend/husband and sister, and sat out in the evening discussing our lives and woes.

At the end of the week, we volunteered with Freedom Story. We talked about M&E, and met with both high school aged students and elementary school kids. We met a woman named Lucy, a staff member from Virginia who moved to Thailand two years ago to work with Freedom Story. She speaks almost flawless Thai, a feat that cannot go unmentioned. The children were so full of life, even though they were all at risk of being trafficked. It did not matter to them. They lived in the moment and enjoyed our company. We, too, enjoyed theirs. We vowed to keep in touch with Freedom Story and the children, and like Hartanto to us in Bangkok, said “see you later” as opposed to “goodbye.”

This is a very, very brief description of some of the highs of this trip. Meeting Aor, Lucy, and Hartanto was life changing. Their dedication to helping others should be admired and replicated in the United States. We have discussions nightly about how to bring their kindness back to UR. Dr Datta thinks about it in terms of helping the new freshman around at the start of the year. I reply with, “what else are those big signs for?”

The lows on this trip are by no means a product of the trip itself. Rather, they are a product of my emotional reactions to traveling. I am an extremely anxious person. Traveling to a place where I know little of the language, and more the less responding to each non-english speaker with the same two phrases–sawadee (hello) caucoon (thank you)–can be very overwhelming. I felt this at Freedom Story in particular, where the Thai students would speak in long strings of Thai and then giggle. All I could think about was if they were laughing at me. If they were, why? Was it because I didn’t speak the language, or because I looked funny? It ended up being all in my head. They weren’t laughing at me, they were laughing with us; I just couldn’t see past my own insecurities.

Sometimes, too, I think there are elements of homesickness. I miss my family and friends, and groan when I see them doing something exciting, together. Then I’ll do something unbelievable, like see Wat Arun, or the Grand Palace, and all of those feelings will go away. The mornings are difficult too, since everyone is ending their day just as I start mine, and in the evenings visa-versa. It’s hard to stay in touch, and sometimes I’ll get sad. The days are long, too, since my brain is firing on all cylinders, all the time, trying to figure out Thai language, culture, and signs. Bangkok was easier since it was in a lot of ways a tourist attraction. Menus were in english, so were street signs. Chang Rai could not be more different. The city is much calmer, and there is much less english.

My anxiousness has in a lot of ways made me want to travel more. I feel comfort in being with a group who also struggles to understand Thai. Having connections here helps as well, since individuals like Lucy, Aor, and Mr Hartanto all helped us navigate the country. I don’t mind the whole “baptism by fire” component of this trip. It’s the same way my dad taught me how to drive a stick shift. The homesickness and loneliness, however, are some things I do mind.

I’ve started to think about loneliness during my morning meditation. I picked up meditation through Mr Hartanto. We had a great reflection session after our first meeting with him, and it inspired me to be a little introspective. What I’ve learned about loneliness is that it is not a product of the number of people who are around you. You could be alone in a room, or in a stadium, and still feel just as lonely. I’ve found two things that help cure loneliness. One is internal, the other is external. The internal one is through mediation, finding why you feel lonely. If you can find the source of this feeling, you can either detach from that feeling–a Mr Hartanto product, patent pending–or hold on to the feeling, in a way having control over it. You know how you feel now, and why you feel it, so when you feel lonely you feel it full knowing the circumstances of your suffering. The other, external cure, is to form connections with people. If you know people around you better, you start to feel less lonely. They’re no longer a number, they’re someone whom you can trust. I’ve started to make these connections on the trip, especially as we’ve struggled through the language gap together. I know each of us will have these memories, with each other, for the rest of our lives. And, although this may not be everyones’ cure for loneliness, it has certainly helped fix mine.

Thanks,

Chris