Category: Julia

Overall, I found the rest of this book to be very eye-opening and offer different perspectives on the justice system that has impacted so many people’s lives. After finding out the crimes people committed, and later incarcerated for, it did not change my point of view or beliefs about any of the men. Even though they did commit those crimes, many of them faced so many challenges and hardships that almost explain their actions. Granted, many of them landed in jail because of drug use and drug dealing, but is it really their choice when they began doing drugs before the age of 10? That is a question I have had to grapple with while reading this story. One of the men says that without heroin he couldn’t live his life normally; he couldn’t work, eat, or even hang with friends because he did not know how to function without drugs. This stayed with me I think because knowing about these stories and how many people did not have family to turn to, or pushed their loved ones away, and consequently ended up in prison. (I think it was Bradley that actually turned himself in.) 

One theme I noticed throughout this novel was the emphasis on God and religion, and how many of the men turned to faith after being incarcerated. They didn’t have faith in the justice system or any system that could help make their lives better by getting them out of abusive situations, so they turned to a higher power that they believed could help them. This is something I want to explore more in my critical analysis paper because I find it interesting how one person’s ideology can change the course of their life. 

The story I decided to focus on for this week was Stan’s. There was something that interested me about him from the beginning. He started out very early in his life and described what it was like to be in his mother’s womb. By this time, he had already felt the tension between his parents, without even having met them yet. The next time he writes, he talks about his relationship with his dad and how they used to get hot dogs because he loved them. Stan’s dad loved baseball, but Stan excelled at football. Later in life when his parents separated, Stan moved to a small one-bedroom apartment with his father. He doesn’t touch much on his teenage years but ultimately conveys to the reader that he lived alone as a teenage boy. This led him to go out on the streets and watch the prostitutes that passed by, even though he couldn’t afford their service. One night, he met a woman named Carolyn and they formed an intimate relationship but she wouldn’t let him kiss her. He recounts this to the group and they laugh about it. A few years Stan gets caught in a crime, one he (maybe) didn’t commit. He flees for a job in Florida and joins a sales team. He emphasizes the impact that Carolyn had on his confidence and maturation. Stan then moves on to talk about his life in jail and how he grapples with the change. An important part of his journey was led by God and Stan’s unwavering belief in God’s love. Stan talks about his adoption, the challenges he has faced, and the work he needs to put in order to live a successful life. One thing I noticed was that Stan does not want to be labeled as a “product of his environment.” Stan ends his portion of the memoir obviously changed than when he began. I think the reader can appreciate this because positive change is important in a situation like this.

Going into this book, I didn’t know what to expect about the stories from these men. I knew some of them would be hard to digest, as all of them turned out to be, but I did not anticipate the severity of the long lasting effects that each incident (or incidents) had on all of the men. Story after story, I felt the repetition in their lives. I noticed patterns and themes they all had in common: lack of a parental figure, traumatizing upbringing, sexual abuse, early encounters with (hard) drugs, etc.. I also found myself unable to relate to any of the experiences they wrote of. I could only visualize aspects of what I have seen portrayed in the media. What genuinely brought me back to reality was the ages of each of the men when they experienced such traumatic events. I read many things about trying drugs, having sex, etc., and the men would end it by saying “and I was only 10 years old,” or some age around that.

Another aspect of this novel that I’ve appreciated thus far is that we don’t know who is convicted of what. I don’t have preconceived notions of any of these men. I feel as though I am able to listen to their stories more intently without judgment. Personally, I cannot imagine being in a situation where I was constantly berated, left with no self-esteem, and just no one who believed in me.

Having the images of the men, and of Dr. Coogan on the back of the novel helped me visualize the conversations between everyone, especially in the prison chapel. I’m not done with the book, but I believe that everyone should read it, or something like it, in order to gain some insight on life in prison and the stigmas that surround prisoners.

After reading the Portfolio book, I better understand what to expect for my portfolio this semester. I have taken a creative writing class before and at the end of each term, we created our own digital portfolios that consisted of our work from each term and any improvements we would want to make to the pieces. I never found it necessarily helpful since each piece was graded individually, but I look forward to this portfolio because I already have somewhat of an idea of what I want it to look like. While the book did talk about digital portfolios, I thought of ways to organize myself throughout the semester, so that when it’s time to put everything together it is one place. I honestly am just excited to make the final product and see how my writing has progressed through this class.

I found the articles about memory and storytelling very interesting, and almost relatable. When we shared stories about our injuries during Roadmap, I was able to tell my story based on a series of images I had in my head. I feel like I have heard the story so many times, that I can easily recite it when people ask. I thought this related to the article because even though I cannot remember exactly what was said, done, etc., I have heard my mom and dad tell me enough times to piece the events together.

During high school, I also took an AP Psychology course and learned a lot about memory and development. This article brought a whole new component, storytelling, and how memory and “the self” impact each person’s recollection. I believe an important part of storytelling lies in the passing down of stories from generations. I have learned so much about my parents, grandparents, and their parents that I would never have known if my parents didn’t tell me. I find it helps to talk about stories with one another, even if you can’t relate to them, it’s always good to listen.

I dreamed of my senior night on the softball team since I was in the seventh grade. I had watched the seniors during my first year on the team get flowers, gifts, and recognition for all of their hard work and dedication to the team and to the school. When my senior night finally rolled around last May, our team was in unfortunate standing. In order to make it to the State tournament, every team needs at least ten wins and ten losses. On my senior night, we had nine wins and ten losses. This game would make or break our chances. I remember our coach sitting us down and attempting to give us a pep talk, but honestly, it didn’t help. It was her first year coaching us and while she did a good job, I didn’t find myself particularly motivated by her speech. However, two of my best friends were the team captains, and I am still convinced they were the only two who actually cared if we won this game. As we got closer to the start of the game, fans started crowding the bleachers at our local city field. I have never seen so many people genuinely excited to watch a softball game after all of my years of playing. The game was a nail-biter. Our defense was stronger than ever, but so was theirs. We played five and a half innings and the score was still zero-zero. I was about to go up to bat when my best friend/captain approached me and said “This could be your last time ever hitting.” Somehow, that really resonated with me. I approached the plate and prepared myself for whatever would happen. The crowd was silent as I swung the bat and launched the ball into center field, driving in three runs. Finally, the score was three to zero, and everyone was so excited about what had happened, that our team gained this unreal energy that fueled us to a win. But if we hadn’t worked as a group and supported each other in that game, or even during the season, I cannot say that that game would have had the same outcome.