Outside of the Box

Why is being gay considered outside of the Manbox?

Well, let’s take a moment and think.

Picture a man in your head. Now let’s say that this hypothetical man you’ve now pictured has just left their home and is about to pick up their date for the evening.

They’re at their date’s door, just rang the bell, the door is opening, and their date is… another man.

Regardless of who’ve you’ve pictured as this hypothetical man, there’s a good chance you automatically assumed his date for the evening is going to be a woman.

Now why is that?

Well, turns out there’s a word for it – “heteronormative”

Basically, it’s the idea that we always assume someone is straight. This is the problem for several reasons, but one of the most pressing issues it causes is that it automatically makes anyone who is not straight an “other.”

So if we automatically assume that a “man” is someone who dates (and is by extension sexually attracted to) a “woman,” then essentially manhood is defined by wanting to have sex with a woman.

Ergo, if you’re a biological man who doesn’t want to have sex with a woman, then not only are you not a “man,” but you threaten the whole social fabric of “manhoodness.”

And that’s when things get ugly.

Homophobia is caused by a lot of things, (here’s a link to seven of them for your viewing pleasure) but a key factor is that gay men are seen as a threat to the definition of manhood.

There are also elements of misogyny at work here too. The Manbox has taught men to reject what society views as feminine, so if a gay man, who is already flaunting male stereotypes by their sexual preference, also projects a “feminine” image, then they are committing a double sin against hyper-masculinity: they are embracing “the traditionally feminine” in appearance and sexual preference.

So why is being gay considered outside of the Manbox?

Because the fact that masculinity cannot be defined by something as simple as who you are sexually attracted to threatens to break down what is seen as one of the key defining characteristics of masculinity.

Simply put? Homophobes are scared and like many scared people, react with violence and aggression, like in the Mathew Sheppard murder.

This is an attempt at a simple answer to a very complicated question, but homophobia is a direct result of the narrow definitions we use to define what a “man” is in this society.

So if we want to start addressing the homophobia that still pervades our culture today, we’re going to have to start thinking outside the Manbox.