What have a I learned about time? About changes of time and simply taking time?
Time is a funny thing. As I’ve sat here outside of Booker for the past dozen Tuesdays, I’ve looked out onto Westhampton Green and watched 15 minutes pass. Some days there was a clear difference between what I saw at the start of that time and what I saw 15 minutes later. Sometimes there was a difference five minutes later! Usually the days I could see time pass the most were the days when it was really sunny but with clouds or when it was raining and stormy. So basically the two extremes: sun and storm, the light days and the dark days.
Today it is overcast. A mixture of off-white and bluish gray clouds cover the sky. Everything is very still… even time seems to stand still.
I’ve learned that time is precious and, like these observations, it is the most extreme moments in your life, the ones with the most light and the ones with the most dark, that really make you reflect on how things are changing or have changed in your life over time. Those moments make you realize what is an important use of time and what is a waste of time in the grand scheme of things.
I feel sad. Reflecting on my life, I find that haven’t taken nearly enough time to just enjoy life in a healthy, well-rounded way. I like getting good grades and feeling accomplished when I work hard. But was the joy gotten from that 4.0 GPA worth all the miserable, sleepless nights it took to get there? Yes I love theatre rehearsals and love performing in shows… but why did I never go to sleepovers in middle or high school? Why did I never go to the mall or the movies with my friends? Was all those hours in the theatre worth losing those parts of my childhood and teen years? I fear that I have committed too much time to certain things in my life and have overly neglected others.
Just looking up now, I see that the light has changed. The bluish-gray clouds have moved away revealing a patchy, pale blue sky. Perhaps too it’s when you least expect change that change happens. I was furiously typing the past few paragraphs, and I missed the time between the dark blue-gray cloud dominating the sky and it’s eventual disappearance. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say, but there is something about wasting time, losing time, taking up too much time or too little time and missing out on certain things that is really consuming me right now as I sit here.