I have neglected my
\nreflection spot. I should say spots because technically I have two; one
\nspecifically for this class, and one that I have gravitated toward naturally
\nsince the beginning of sophomore year. But I feel the reflection spot I had for
\nclass was one I chose out of opportunity. It has little emotional connection
\nand thus I feel less guilty about not being there in a while. I feel
\ndifferently about the lake.<\/p>\n
I have spent hours sitting next to Westhampton
\nLake reflecting. I used to go every night before bed to pray and then randomly
\nthroughout the week when I had a few minutes of free time. It helps to focus on
\nsomething bigger than yourself when you aren\u2019t under a ceiling where the words
\nyou say bounce right back at you. This place feels like home. I go to the lake
\nwhen I want to be lonely. It\u2019s perfect for solitude because no one goes walking
\naround the lake at night unless they are trying to get somewhere. I go to the
\nlake when I want to be sad. The people on the path are behind you and the
\npeople on the other side of the lake are too far away to see that you\u2019re upset.
\nI go to the lake when I want to remember. There is no one there to ask me what
\nI\u2019m thinking. I go to the lake for something, but I never find what I want. I
\ngo to the lake to be lonely, but I am never alone. I go to the lake to be sad,
\nbut I am peaceful in all things. I go to the lake to remember, but I find
\nmyself forgetting everything when I see all the beauty and all the brokenness
\nof the world.<\/p>\n
But that is how I and my
\nreflection spot have changed. The cherry and oak trees have blossomed and revealed
\ntheir foliage, pulling viewers all by a silken (inch-wormy) strand into a new
\nseason. And with the passing of the season, I feel like I have my own strand
\nholding me fast to some steady branch hanging faithfully above me. It is funny;
\nI was observing an inch-worm one day, considering how it reflects our
\nrelationships. When we are trying to help someone grow or move on past their
\npain, we can\u2019t do the work for them. All we can do is remain faithful and
\nstrong for them. Our love is the silver strand, and they just have to figure
\nout what to do with it. When I was thinking about this, I did not think I would
\never be dangling from the end of an almost invisible piece of silk; I would
\nplace myself as the branch. I did not realize till just now that I had been the
\ninch-worm for a long, long time. Now I am less dependent upon my reflection
\nspot. I have less of a need to escape from people and more of an appreciation
\nfor those who have been the tree to which I am clinging. There were too many
\ntimes when I was angry with the way people were helping me, which is ridiculous.
\nI would not have them do anything differently because I see that their love
\ncould not have been displayed in any other way than it was.<\/p>\n
I realize this sounds
\nsimilar to what I said in a previous post. Most of my posts have a general tone
\nof reconciliation and growth. But this understanding sits a lot deeper than just
\nrealizing I love the people around me. It is a lot more difficult to come to
\nterms with because of how much I have depended on my friends.<\/p>\n
Something else I have grown
\nto appreciate this year, and particularly this semester, is my education. I
\nthink Celeste is right in saying \u201cEducation enriches everything around you\u201d in
\nher post \u201cItchy Eyes, beautiful dogwoods\u201d. I have always put education second
\nto friendships. I see it more important to ensure the contentment of a friend
\nthan to ensure the advancement of my career. Something I hadn\u2019t considered was
\nhow my progress in school affects those relationships that I love the most, specifically
\nthe relationship with my parents. Education is a gift. There is nothing I have done
\nto merit the obtaining of the information I have access to. We see it as some
\nsort of right, as though we are entitled to know how to produce an income statement
\nand how to make sense of short stories by Marquez. We aren\u2019t entitled and it isn\u2019t
\na right. Education is a gift and it enriches everything around you. Unlike
\nCeleste, I wasn\u2019t able to avoid the sophomore slump. I am, in fact, suffering
\nthrough a textbook case of the sophomore slump. I just had too many things that
\nI was trying to be good at. There were seven different classes on my schedule
\nalong with work hours, individual and group meetings, camping trips, friendship
\nmeltdowns, and time playing soccer. In taking on so many responsibilities,
\nthough, I was not showing respect to my parents because I was not taking
\nseriously their financial commitment to pay for my education. This is why I am
\nexcited to be staying in Richmond next year, because I will have some many
\nfewer responsibilities. I will be able to apply myself fully to a small number
\nof things instead of spreading myself thin over a great many number of things. Through
\nthis sophomore slump I have been able to understand the enriching qualities of
\neducation. I have not just learnt how I can better love and respect my parents,
\nbut how knowing the truth changes everything.<\/p>\n
Knowing the truth really
\ndoes change everything. Even if the knowledge I have obtained about something
\nmeans nothing to me when I learn it at first, it will most likely mean
\nsomething one day. When I was sitting eating humus after hiking up a mountain
\nand listening to my mother talk about pinecones, I never thought \u201cThis piece of
\ninformation about pinecones will one day be something I remember when I
\nconsider God\u2019s faithfulness\u201d. But it has.<\/p>\n
My reflection spot has faded
\nout of my night time routine, but I don\u2019t miss it. I am happy that I no longer
\nfeel the need to escape. I am happy that I no longer need to be convinced into
\nbeing happy. I am happy that I have another chance to honor my parents with the
\nway I work hard at school. I am most happy that I have something, someone, who
\nholds me steadily whenever I feel like I am swinging in midair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have neglected my reflection spot. I should say spots because technically I have two; one specifically for this class, and one that I have gravitated toward naturally since the beginning of sophomore year. But I feel the reflection spot … Continue reading