Marriage is a complex subject; people get married for a variety of reasons, and some marriages work out while others don’t. Chapter 9 looks at marriage in the context of health, and reported interesting findings. Given the complex reasons as to why people get married as well as individual differences in personality and personal history, it is not sufficient enough to say that marriage itself influences longer life. The authors break the Terman participants into four groups (remarried group, steadily married group, divorced group, and steadily single group) and discovered that examining marriage and health independent of gender did not allow set conclusions to be made. It seemed as though some people who never got married lived happy and long lives, whereas others needed marriage in order to feel satisfied. What really matters, they found, is personality, history, and social bonds. Those who are conscientious and did not have parents who suffer from divorce are more likely to have a happy marriage, because they are prudent and easy to get along with, and less likely to engage in conflict. In regards to gender, it is interesting that some women are better off not getting married at all, while men who are married tended to live longer, happier lives. It could be that since responsibility tends to fall on the women, the stress of being married can take a toll and decrease health. Contrastingly, being single may allow women to make more time for themselves and engage in hobbies that they enjoy.
I read this chapter thinking about my family dynamics. My mom takes care of not only the children in the house, but often jokes that my father is her “fourth child.” My mom does the cooking, cleaning, and other domestic chores, and works 40+ hour weeks. My dad on the other hand works less than 40 hour weeks (he sets his own schedule) and doesn’t do domestic chores. A lot of his free time at home is spent watching tv or hanging out with his friends that he invites over. The burden often falls on my mom to cook for the guests who arrive, as well as making sure the house is spotless.
My parents are steadily married and have been for over 20 years now. When I hear stories about my parents childhood, I remember that my mom was a conscientious and responsible child who learned how to cook at the age of 12. She was easy to get along with and avoided conflict. These personal attributes may have influenced her marriage with my dad. When I hear stories about my dad, it is often about how he got into fights with other children his age, got kicked out of school, and other wild stories about his youth. Although he is less reckless now, I still often see aspects of his personality when he gets angry. While my mom is more lax, my dad is more strict and argumentative. So although according to this book, my dad has characteristics of divorced men, my parents are still happily in a relationship. It could be that my moms personality traits balance my dad out, or that she makes a lot of sacrifices and compromises to make everyone happy.