I Didn’t Want to Go There…

So I was at PAXEast when the Penny Arcade guys were first reacting to the “dickwolves” scandal by drawing (and then erasing) a “vaginawolf” during the LiveStrip panel in 2010. I don’t have an inherent problem with “rape jokes” that are kept from being threatening or totally obscene, simply as a matter of free speech, although they are certainly not what I would consider “tasteful” in any context, and probably not appropriate in most situations. I thought at the time, “That was insensitive and tasteless, but they apologized and we can move on.” But then PA didn’t really drop it, not really. And now Mike Krahulik announces that “I think that pulling the dickwolves merchandise was a mistake.”

I have long been a PA apologist for many reasons, including their support of Child’s Play and the fact that, generally speaking, they’ve been careful to apologize when they stick their feet in their mouths. But it’s starting to seem that PA ascribes to the sentiment that it’s easier to apologize than to actually think before opening one’s mouth, which means that the apologies are starting to wear very, very thin.

I’ve been to PAXEast more than once, and I’ve never personally felt uncomfortable there as a female gamer. Last year, I in fact noted that there were a lot of women there, and most of them were not being treated overtly as sexual objects (except for a couple of them who were wearing articles of clothing that couldn’t really be called “pants,” exactly, and the sexualization took the form of ogling, not verbal or physical assault that I witnessed, because even said “pants” are not an excuse for harassment, but were cosplay and intended to get people’s ocular attention). In short, I did feel like I could be comfortable at PAXEast because there were other people there like me, and because I was able to move around on the floor and attend panels that didn’t make me feel in any way threatened or self-conscious about my gender.

Now, I know people who have been assaulted at cons (not PAX-cons), and I know plenty of people who have been on the receiving end of lewd comments at cons. I both know and have personally been on the end of geek-incredulity for being a gamer (even from my students), which is annoying, but, again, never at PAXEast.

All of which is why I am so profoundly disappointed in Krahulik’s comment. PAX-cons did feel safe, to me, ideologically speaking. They felt like a place where I didn’t have to defend myself as “the girlfriend” or “the wife,” but could actually be “the gamer” (and “the wife,” too, but I wasn’t there as “the wife”). I did think that a lot of the reaction to the original strip was blown wildly out of proportion, although I can also see how it might be upsetting to some. An apology that no harm was intended would not – and did not – go amiss… and would likely have been adequate if PA had let it drop.

Now Krahulik probably recognizes that in the backlash against feminism in gaming there are a lot of (primarily male) gamers who would purchase a “dickwolves” item to show “solidarity” for their fellow straight male gamers, part of the “Men’s Rights Activism” movement (which I did not even know was a thing until yesterday) that sees feminism as “ruining” their games. Said merchandise would probably also sell well to the teenage-male contingent who think dickwolves are funny because they’re… well.. dickwolves, and might not even know about the negative backlash surrounding them. These demographics likely mean that from a merchandising standpoint, Krahulik is probably correct in saying that said merchandise would make PA a lot of money.

But if PA wants to retain its image of inclusivity, and its reputation for being welcoming to the entire gaming community, reselling such merchandise is a terrible idea. Deliberately ignoring the clear outcry against insensitivity and tastelessness in the gaming community in order to pander to an element of that community with a penchant for misogyny and verbal assault is a terrible idea. Encouraging the misogynist subset of the gaming community – who, let’s face it, don’t really need any additional encouragement – by standing up as a public figure to whom the community looks as a barometer of appropriate behavior and saying that an offensive icon of rape culture is a good merchandise strategy is a REALLY terrible idea.

Because whether we like it or not, PA has become an industry leader in commentary, production, and community interaction. With PAXPrime, PAXEast, and PAXAus, they’re leading the convention circuit in terms of exposure, popularity, and reputation. They’ve banned booth babes. They claim to welcome gamers of all types. They speak for developers with The Trenches and for fans with the regular PA strip. And now they’re condemning those members of the community who don’t want to see the perpetuation of rape culture by encouraging those who do.

I can’t attend PAXEast 2014 due to a scheduling conflict, but this does make me think seriously about whether or not I even want to consider attending in 2015. It makes me want to avoid PA strips, PA merchandise, and even watching the PAX twitch channels. It makes me uncomfortable that some of my favorite developers (BioWare, for instance, who does so much with inclusivity in terms of gender, race, and sexuality in games) have become affiliated with PAX-cons. Right now, I’ll wait to see where this goes, because I want to like what PAX and PA have always claimed to stand for, but I need to see them actually standing for it, rather than taking a nose-dive into the worst examples of behavior the gaming community has to offer.